Thursday 28 August 2008

Thursday Thirteen

My list of 13 reasons why Mummy's been keeping us cats from the internet lately:

1. Something she calls "having a life", we all disapprove of this as you can imagine.
2. Repainting the dinning room and kitchen as well as retiling the kitchen - it's called DIY I hear...
3. D'Boy came home and bought home the mother of all laundry piles!
4. Getting D'boy ready to go to "Big School" - really Mummy we can teach him all that's needed here at home! ;)
5. Cleaning up after the DIY
6. Getting gorgeous professional photos done of me! Ok, so I don't disapprove of this one! ;)
7. Taking me to cat shows and letting me wow the judges! Ok, so I don't mind that one either... :)
8. Taking me for long car rides in my little luxury PTU, look Mummy I've told you what I think of this one repeatedly and occasionally very loudly too! ;)
9. Researching Aby genetics and looking for good matches for my next eeer professional boyfriend. Well the end results of this are nice, but the rest is boring Mummy!
10. Spending squillions of hours on the phone talking to other Aby breeders about eer professional boyfriends. Again this is boring Mummy!
11. Mummy driving all over the place to look at eer professional boyfriends from her "short list". Errr, Mummy I like my mancats tall and gorgeous, none of this short stuff ok! ;)
12. Mummy spending squillions of hours looking over these lucky few potential eer professional boyfriends. Well at least she comes home smelling Wonderful!!!!!! :) Come on Mummy let me sniff those trousers again before you wash them... ;)
13. Sticking nasty cotton swabs in my purrty little mouth in order to steal my skin cells for genetic testing. Look Mummy I told you I was perfect, but you insisit on having some geek in a white lab coat tell you so too, so don't blaim me for wanting to put the bitey on you! :P

Sunday 17 August 2008

Meezer Monday - The Truth Comes Out at Last!

Well as you all know, our good friend HRH Yao-lin is a truly tortured soul, having to share His Island with Baby Mao while putting up with a Slave who seems to lack the required training levels needed to meet his high regal standards...

While this reporter found the Slave to be utterly charming and lot prettier than Yao-lin had led us to believe, we understand his deep and unrelenting suffering. Being unique, superior in all ways and utterly regal to the very core of his being, poor Yao-lin finds it difficult in the extreme to put up with anything less than purrfection. While no doubt well intentioned his Slave is no purrfectionist... I mean when he demands Steak for the Royal Dinner, she offers him beef flavour cat food! Oh yes and it doesn't end there... When he feels the need for a little shrimp or lobster, he is served with nothing more than a bit of fish or some fishy smelling food from a tin of all things! His Slave also refuses to cook individual meals for him and Baby Mao, nor does she believe in taste testing each and every dish before offering them up to him! Yes, I too was shocked to hear all this, but it seems the Slave was happy to confess all under my amber eyed gaze...

One of Yao-lin's main issues is the lack of round the clock care for his Royal Self, to this charge the Slave admitted her guilt, mumbling something about "having a life" - it seems the demands of a single gorgeous Royal Meezer are not enough for her... Yes, this is his other big complaint! Why have Baby Mao around, if she can't look after his demanding needs to the level of purrfection he requires?! So it's not so much that he hates Baby Mao, as he hates anything and anyone who adds to the distractions his easily distracted Slave uses as excuses for his exceedingly poor care... Plus Baby Mao's happy acceptance of the afore mentioned low standards in the Slave just add to poor Yao-lin's growing disgust. To quote Yao-lin, "How can such a creature call himself a Meezer?" This reporter feels that if Baby Mao could only learn a little more meezer like behaviour from Yao-lin and shun the Slave and recoil in horror at the mealtime offerings, they might just get along a little better... Sadly Baby Mao is still a sweet and trusting boy, full of love and affection for all - if coming with a decidedly "interesting odour", best not described. ;)

Now to answer a few of your specific questions:

The lovely Miss Peach asked:
Where do you buy his colorful contact lenses?
- As you all know eyes are the mirror of the soul and extreme suffering and the colour blue go paw in paw with each other, Yao-lin's gorgeous eyes are this startling colour of blue purely because of his extremes of neglect...

The insightful Castle wondered:
Is Yao-Lin's slave surprised that Yao-lin has stuck around, and not wandered off to find a new home? - Oh he does on a daily basis, but sadly His Island seems to be inhabited by a truly inferior level of slavekind and he has yet to bribe the ferryman to smuggle him over to the Mainland!

My guru and mentor Daisy enquired:
Is it difficult to find royal fashions that suit Yao-Lin's high standards? - Oh yes! His Island lacks a pet Fashion Boutique, such as should be found in any truly civilized Principality... This has lead to some online ordering mishaps because the Slave just wouldn't listen and as you all know clothing sizes around the World differ.

Goldie simply needed to find out:
Does Yao-Lin really hates Baby Mao ALL the time? This was easy to answer... Oh Yes!

While lastly, Shade wished to know the following:
Does the Slave walk in on moments of cuddling and grooming once in the rare while? Most emphatically not and you should wash your mouth out for so much as suggesting that the Royal tongue might so much as willingly touch Baby Mao's odoriferous fur!

In conclusion, Yao-lin's sufferings are real, profound and ongoing, although his Slave is far nicer than he'd have you think as is the cute Baby Mao - as long as you remain up wind of him! So there you have this reporter's full findings on her maiden assignment. I think my next one might be an exposé on what has happened to cause the lovely Marie's long spell of blog silence recently... I tell you folks this will not be one to miss! :)

Saturday 16 August 2008

Super Saturday!

Oh what a wonderful day it has been, I have the makings of a really wonderful bit of investigative reporting to share with you once I have had sufficient beauty sleep! To add to that I had 3 more BIG FIRST's today!!!!

Yes, I won the first of the 3 Certificates that I need to make me an Official Champion today, as well as wining Best of Breed - meaning I was the very best Aby at the Show today! :) This was utterly amazing as two of my friends from Silversmoke were there and they both won huge milestone Certificates making one a Grand Champion and the other an Imperial Grand Premier as of today. To round off a wonderful day, Mummy took me to have my photo taken by a proper professional photographer! That's right I did proper professional modeling and was brillaint at it - all those tips from Daisy really have paid off and I wowed the photographer as well as Mummy and Dad! :) Now I just have to count the days until the photos arrive!!! :)

Oh and Mummy ordered herself a little handbag to be made with a photo of me printed on it, so she can show all the World her utter devotion to me! :)

I so liked Yao-lin's Mum eer Slave that I let her take phones of me with some of my nice new ribbons. Though since I understand she likes food just as much, if not more than Yau-lin, I have left him a detailed message as to the contents of his "Care Package" we sent home with her, so that he can question her if she arrives home full, while his "Care Package" is missing certain items... ;) Well you do have to be careful when dealing with sensative items like food around most humans - I put my Mummy's own acceptance of the fact that she can never ear a whole steak without feeling the overwhelming urge to share it with all us cats down to her being well trained by her Meezer queen many, many years ago. For this we are all greatful to Meezerkind in general, as you may imagain! However, I will not let this fact cloud my journalistic integraty and I shall soon report to you in great depth about the deep suffering poor Yau-lin puts up with on a daily basis...

Oh and the gorgeous pin-up photos of Yao-lin and the nice box of cute dressing up fashions that the generous and lovely Yao-lin sent us to play with will have no affect either, nor the primo 'nip he sent for Tigmut'hep (even getting him his most favoured brand). Oh no I am strictly professional in all my dealings as you shall all see very soon! :)

Now hurry up and take some photos of my new medal and purrty ribbons Mummy so I can show all my friends...

Thursday 14 August 2008

My latest career move...

I have decided to take a leaf from my friend and mentor Daisy the Curly Cat's book and launch my new career as a investigative reporter! Oh yes, I have an impressive first assignment too, I am off to interview Yao-lin's wayward and generally inadequate slave! I am also planning to look over all her purchases for Yao-lin and Baby Mao to make sure that they reach the highest standards possible - she won't be allowed to take him home general tat for a change... Oh no, nothing but the best will do for Yao-lin! :)

If any of you have questions you think I should pose to the slave, do let me know in the next 24-36 hrs so that I have time to remember them all before the big interview takes place! Oh and watch this space for the full report on Sunday or Monday - well I must get my beauty sleep in after a big day out! ;)

Be the First to Find out if
This is The Face of Suffering?!
For this level of truly unbiased upcoming investigative reporting and so much more, TT's family have awarded me with this most impressive award! :) Unlike my silly Brother Ramses, I have remembered that such awards need passing on, so I am pleased to pass this most prestigious award to:

Sen-Chan - for being both gorgeous and interesting all the time!

Skeezix - for his tireless reporting on Vishus Deer!

Princess - for all her lovely little quotes and being the sort of ladycat I hope to be one day!

Miss Peach - for always being by my side when I need her and always being sweet, kind and thoughtful to all cat and kittenkind! :)